Escape to Witch Mountain — Declassified

This week’s Progressive Pioneers  will focus on two very special “other worldly” people who tirelessly worked behind the scenes the make the world a better place.

I’m talking about none other than Tia and Tony Malone.

And now thanks to WikiLeaks and the Freedom of Information Act, we know the full truth about these two amazing beings, which will blow your mind!

Their story is a rich and complicated one that has taken four documentaries to tell!

And though Digital Batman cannot fully do justice to their story, I’m going to give you a glimpse into their contributions to our society.

Tia and Tony Malone, ca. 2009, Stony Brook CA.
Last known photo of Tia and Tony Malone taken just before their presumed emigration back to their homeworld.

Escape to Witch Mountain & Return from Witch Mountain documentaries can be currently watched on Disney+.

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Race to Witch Mountain documentary can be currently watched on Netflix.

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The Blair Witch Mountain Project documentary can be currently watched on YouTube (embedded below for your convenience).

The Blair Witch Mountain Project, 2002 — Written and Directed by Ike Eisenmann, featuring Kim Richards.

Tia and Tony Malone come from a binary star system some 3,000 light years from Earth. Their world was in the late stages of climate and environmental collapse (much like where our own world is headed). They were part of an advanced group of alien colonists seeking to find a way to reverse the self-inflicted damage done to their planet by studying our own in the early stages of exceeding the nine planetary boundaries.

However, things did not go as planned.

In 1975, their ship was damaged upon arrival at Earth and the two children were almost lost at sea. Fortunately, they were rescued by the US Coast Guard. However, the trauma of the event gave them both temporary amnesia.

With their only living relative presumably lost; they were put into the American foster care system.

However, after displaying advanced psychokinetic, telepathic, and telekinetic powers, the two ended up on the radar of evil corporate magnate Aristotle Bolt. Through is his equally unscrupulous lawyer, Lucas Deranian (posing as the children’s lost uncle), Bolt was able to acquire the children with the intention of using their powers to destroy the global economy for his own financial gain.

Tia and Tony Malone stopped an evil capitalist (Aristotle Bolt) from destroying the global economy in 1975.

Wise to Bolt and Deranian’s scheme, the children went on the run (as Tia was regaining her memories) to reach their alien colony at Witch Mountain in California—using an alien map that she discovered in her possession.

They were aided by the kindly curmudgeon widower Jason O’Day.

The curmudgeonly (with a heart of gold) Jason O’Day helping Tia and Tony Malone.

Tia and Tony were able to finally reach their destination, restore their memories, and be reunited with their true uncle, Bené.

In 1978, the two returned from the Witch Mountain alien community to explore human culture more closely in Los Angeles California.

However, Tia and Tony got separated when Tony used his powers to prevent a man falling off a building from impacting the ground. This caught the attention of evil terrorist scientist, Dr. Victor Gannon, and his patron supporter, the avaricious Letha Wedge. They kidnapped Tony and planned to use his powers for their own nefarious designs.

Tia, then in a desperate scramble to find her brother, came across the urchin street posse that went by the moniker The Earthquake Gang.

The group of friendly but misguided youths agreed to help Tia find her brother as she helped them (using her powers) thwart an attack by a rival gang.

The search was a long complicated one that ultimately resulted in Dr. Gannon using a mind-controlled Tony to set off a meltdown (and a would-be eventual explosion) of Plutonium at a nearby Los Angeles nuclear reactor—while demanding millions of dollars and an unfettered escape.

The plant went critical but fortunately Tia was able to use her powers to bravely stop the meltdown.

Tia Malone (forward left) and Tony Malone (forward right) along with The Earthquake Gang prevented a Plutonium meltdown/explosion near Los Angeles in 1978.

And with the help of her new found friends, they were able to wrest Tony from Gannon and Wedge’s control, and the space siblings ultimately stopped the terrorists.

Afterwards, they returned home to Witch Mountain leaving The Earthquake Gang inspired to go back to school and become pillars of society.

What happened to the alien duo afterwards is a bit of a gray area.

In 2002, it was reported that both Tia and Tony rescued a lost reporter, Blair Billingsley, who was out in the desert doing a story coincidentally on the Malones. Billingsley claimed that she was brought to the Witch Mountain colony (experiencing its wonders) before an attack on it by a secret government organization.

Sometime between 2002 and 2009 Witch Mountain was invaded and taken over by Project Moon Dust (a covert and ruthless Pentagon-funded organization) led by Henry Burke—a dubious man who would stop at nothing to possess the alien technology of the Witch Mountain community.

However, through Tony’s prescient vision powers, the alien colonists were able to abandon Witch Mountain just in time, leaving only empty caverns behind for Project Moon Dust to find.

Most of the colonists returned home to their dying world to offer solutions to saving it. Some however, like Tia and Tony Malone, stayed behind on Earth (having spent most of their lives here) to help humanity not make the same mistakes that their people did.

They also stayed behind to help any more of their kind who might be in need of help while on Earth.

And that was indeed the case.

In 2009, while Tia and Tony were posing as a waitress and a sheriff (respectively) in the sleepy town of Stony Brook California, their paths crossed with a new teenage sister and brother duo from their world, Sarah and Seth.

The youngsters on the run were being aided by a tough-guy but good-natured human taxi driver, Jack Bruno, and eventually also aided by alien-conspiracy theorist and astrophysicist Dr. Alex Friedman.

Sensing the presence of their own people in Stony Brook, Tia and Tony rushed to help the kids escape from Burke and his henchmen. The Malones were happy to risk exposing themselves (after all these years) for the sake of the children because 34 years ago they were the alien children on the run. And, it was the kindness of O’Day (like Bruno and Friedman) who helped them get home—to Witch Mountain.

The Malone’s knew the stakes were high as they learned that the whole Earth was at risk of an all-out invasion by their homeworld’s military fleet—influenced by an extreme faction of the alien government. The thinking was: why try to save their world when they could simply take ours.

However, that plan was derailed as Sarah and Seth had with them a new discovery (from the advanced wave of colonists’ work starting when Tia and Tony first came to Earth), which took decades to accomplish but would finally save and restore their homeworld.

Race to Witch Mountain — From left to right: Dr. Alex Friedman, Sarah, Seth, and Jack Bruno.

Without Tia and Tony’s efforts, humanity might have been attacked by a far superior force that had the advantage of psionic powers, which we could not match. And Sarah and Seth were able to both deliver the miracle technology to save theirs their counterpart’s (Tia and Tony’s) homeworld; as well as, return to Earth periodically to meet with Bruno, Friedman, and the Malones to collaborate on books and provide other resources that inspire people to make real changes towards saving the Earth, such as The Paris Agreement.

Where are they now?

Rumor had it that Tia appeared on a reality TV show as a rather unsavory character (Kim Richards)—though tragic and misunderstood—but that was largely debunked because Tia was reportedly one of the kindest, gentlest, and nicest person you could ever meet (and so was her brother). Tony was rumored to be a filmmaker and an actor (Ike Eisenmann), who was even in a Star Trek movie, but it is more likely that he continued to work in environmental law enforcement.

The two are also rumored to have been behind stopping or preventing other natural, man-made, biological, and technological disasters over the decades since their arrival on Earth back in 1975.

Tia and Tony Malone are believed to have finally gone back home to their newly restored utopia orbiting their binary star system. Additionally, they brought their human spouses and hybrid children with them—as a way to help bridge the gap between their people and humanity.

Maybe they’ll return to Earth one day to help us save our world from the same troubles theirs faced.

Wherever they are now, their progressive pioneering efforts to help humanity survive some great calamities have been a revolution of hope for us all.

Thank you Tia and Tony Malone, wherever you are, for all of your extraterrestrial help!